Thursday, October 20, 2016

How Close Am I ?

I have been thinking about people in my life. How close I am to them and how close they are to me.

I found that I have many people in my life whom I consider the closest to me but I have no clue about whether they know that or not and I don't even know how much they consider me close to them.

I admit I had built this fence around me over the past years, may be to keep me away from being hurt and feeling the pain. It is working very well till now but I also must admit that I lost people, some were (and still) the dearest to me, because of it.

It is true that this fence saved me a lot of pain over the past seven years. This fence had been my shelter in the darkest moments in my life. Each time I feel hurt from a relative, friend, or anyone, I simply go into this shelter and everything becomes good. Though it helped me a lot but I think I need to erase it now as I needed to create it seven years ago.

I don't know if I will be able to do it or not but I decided to try, do my best and see what will happen.

I was going through my old posts today, and I found that post that was written over 4 years ago!

The fence is still there, that is something I am sure of, yet I think I learned how to sneak out of it for a while every now and then. I got the chance to come close to new people, some made my life more interesting, while others made it more difficult.

I used to be very restricted with selecting the people I deal with, but straying away from this gave me the chance to connect to a wider variety of people who enriched my experiences over the past few years.

I didn't erase the fence back then, and I have no plans to erase it any time soon. I prefer to keep it as my safe shelter and the one thing that keeps me standing when nothing else does. But I learned how to balance when to keep it and when to let it go. I am a Libra and balance is my curse after all!

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