Friday, January 18, 2013

My First Last Request

I wrote this on 18th April, 2010 and never published it before. Now, it is meaningless.

Why do you insist on torturing me?
Why don't you just say it, why don't you let me know?
All I need is just to hear one word, I need to know if you love me or not. I can't bear it anymore, I swear I tried but I can't bear it anymore, I just can't.

Please, save me from my torture. I can handle it if you said you don't love me, I would be thrilled if you said you do love me, but I can't handle ignorance.
You are so sweet with me, but I can't stop asking myself, is it because you are in love with me or is it just you being nice?

I keep praying to Allah every night to set me free from this prison, I even prayed once to remove your love from my heart, to just stop the pain I am feeling. I know it would kill me but I am not alive now anyway. I pray and pray but it seems it doesn't work.

I know you may not be in love with me, maybe I don't represent anything for you. Maybe you just see me as a person who you can easily talk to. I know all that, and I keep repeating it over and over in my head to keep it in my mind, to help me resist you, to keep me away from you, to keep me away from thinking about you. Believe me, I tried it all, but nothing works. You lives in me.

So please, as a first and last request I am gonna ask you, please, set me free before you go, before you leave. Remember all our moments together, all the laughter we had, and do it for the sack of those moments.


  1. Love is never an easy adventure. I sometimes get the torture part, but even being a secret admirer has its plus side. It gives me a good feeling.

    I remember once a girl I was seeing on a regular basis was the source of my constant admiration (and a huge crush / secret love) although nothing from her side made it evolve further. One day I remember I was in a mood of great admiration for her, I wrote something about her, never sent it, blogged about it, it was not even personal to her or me, but simply a declaration of total awe to her existence.

    Even now when I remember her (mostly by rereading what I wrote), I kind of feel more thankful she crossed paths with my life. I am still in awe and wish her all good.

    But, I don't judge your torture, I actually sympathize it, just saying that reaching peace with self gets you to the goal faster.

    Peace! :)

  2. "Love is never an easy adventure" I can't agree more with that.
    I believe everyone enters my life for a reason, either they caused me pain or joy. and I always end up thankful for having them in my life.

    I remember this was written in a similar mood of admiration, but this was 2 years ago. I honestly don't know why I published it now. It was lying there in the drafts and I simply hit "Publish".

    I know I am in a much better state now, in more peace you can say.
    Peace! :)