Sunday, April 25, 2010

Love Over The Years

"How do you know that you are in love?", a question I had been asked by myself and by some of my friends frequently.

I thought about it many times, and every time I had a new answer. I always thought it is a simple question with a simple answer but what I found is the complete opposite!!
The difficulty in finding the answer is that it differs from one to one. It differs based on your definition of love, and how you see your lover.

For me, I had different answers of this question, one for each definitions of love I had and a new definition for each stage in my life. When I think back, I can divide them into four main stages.

Till age of fifteen, my life was school, family and movies. My environment was closed. So, my answer was:
"If I stared at stars at night thinking of him and if I found him the most handsome boy (as I was a girl back then) on earth, someone with Leonardo DiCaprio's hair, John Travolta's eyes and Roshdy Abaza's smile"
Of course, I was a foolish girl. I believe I watched too much movies back then which caused this childish answer with this strange combination of actors. :D

From Sixteen till eighteen, my environment was a bit bigger, I dealt with more types of people. It gave me a little more experience. So, my answer was:
"If he is the only one that may pass on my mind, he must be kind with great heart, a look in his eyes must say it all and I must be able to depend on him"
More mature answer, it reflected some of stories I had seen that time but it is still a naive one.

Till age of twenty, it was college stage. It was a much wider space, with big number of people who I had the chance to know closely. I witnessed too many love stories, some ended happily and others ended with pain. I have to admit that this stage pushed me to think about this question over and over. With each story I knew, I wondered how they figured it out, how they decided to go on and give it a try or how they knew it is not gonna work and decided to let it go. I also have to
admit that I witnessed sad stories much more than happy stories which directly formed my answer in this stage. So, my answer was:
"I won't think about anyone, or even let anyone into my heart unless I am a 1000000% sure that he is in love with me, not even if he just likes me or sees me in a different way. If I am not that sure, I would pretend that nothing is happening, no matter what I felt"
Tough one ..right ?? Well, now I see what is wrong with it. But at its time, it seemed to be the perfect solution to avoid pain and being hurt. The nice part of this stage for me is that I ended up inventing all these ways to get this high accuracy of being sure. I don't think any of them had ever worked but each way ended with more experience. So, at the end it helped me one way or another. :)

Last stage is this past year, it may be the shortest one of these stages but it is the most mature one, I believe. During this year, I learned a lot of things; the most valuable thing is learning the difference between feeling and acting and how to separate between them.
I learned that the each face of love (happiness and pain) is as important as the other; more like a coin, it always has face and tile and you can never find one without the other. In order to live love's happiness, you have to embrace love's pain.
All these things points made my final answer (till now):
"I will know I am in love with someone, when he represents safety and home for me; when I see him as the one I want to spend the rest of my life with; when I find the ability to accept all his faults before his goods; when he become the one I can turn to in every stumble I face; when I sleep at night knowing that whatever happens the next morning, he will be there for me; when I feel his pain as if it is mine; when I willingly want to share all his problems and worries"
This is the short version of my current answer, as it would take me hours to write the full version. :)

Through these stages, I discovered one thing. There is no such a perfect answer or all-size answer. All my answers came from stories and experiences I witnessed. As stories and experiences you witness differ, your answer will differ. All it takes
to find your answer is good thinking and self honesty.

So, can you share your answer with me?


  1. " Love is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to ur own " ... When you are happy simply because a person is happy, I think that's a sign of love ... I am totally with " when I find the ability to accept all his faults before his goods; when I feel his pain as if it is mine; when I willingly want to share all his problems and worries " ...

    بس بردو، أنا بحس إننا في المرحلة العمرية دي، أي إحساس ممكن نحس بيه بيكون مجرد إعجاب ... أتوقع لازم الواحد يكون أكبر شوية عشان يقول هو فعلا بيحب ولا لأ

  2. I don't think it is related to age. Of course with time, you learn how to differentiate between admiration and real love but some find real love in an early age.

    I believe that when you find it, you will just know it.